Kirkwall Prevails
by Ambrosia Hawke
Summary: Fear, capture, isolation, and a lost mind await her if she fails, but if she succeeds... Hawke must chose between trust and freedom, will she hold on to a love lost or free herself and her friends? Mild AU for magic description and a few changes to story line, MultiRomance (all M/F), some triangle/angst, multiple viewpoints. *In Progress, Rating/Genre may change with the telling*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Same basic principles as Bleeding Heart but this story is going to go a little different (I hope). Please let me know what you think!

Mild AU with changes to the story line, Multiple romances (all m/f), some triangle and angst-y stuff, multiple viewpoints (they should be clear but if they're not please let me know and I'll edit).

Hawke had to make a choice on who to bring with her to the Deep Roads. If she left Carver behind she would never hear the end of it. Carver and Merrill had flirted since they recruited the young mage. Hawke thought it would be a good way to keep an eye on their budding romance. But everything went horribly wrong... Currently between Act 1 and Act 2, will mostly follow storyline but there will be some changes. I'll mostly keep this to behind the scenes stuff. You know, that whole "Fade to Black" thing.

**Bioware owns all characters and settings.**

* * *

The woman clasped his hands, smiling into his face, "Thank the Maker for you, Healer. May he bless you and all those you hold dear." His mind flashed to Hawke, Varric, Carver, and Merrill still stuck in the Deep Roads for a second before he smiled and squeezed her hands.

"And to you dear one," he pulled his hands back as she shooed her son out the door and he closed for the evening. His mind racing with thoughts as they did every evening at closing time. _Were they okay? Did they get lost? Why didn't she bring him?_ _She said that she would need his maps and he graciously offered his assistance, who better to take on a trek through the Deep Roads but a Grey Warden?_ It had only been a few short months since he first met Katerina Hawke, but he had come to think of her and her companions as friends, most of them. He sighed and set about cleaning the clinic before heading up to the Hanged Man to wait for news.

_This constant worry detracts you from your goals._ He thought, unsure of where the thought was coming from.

"I know but I cannot help myself. They are my friends." He said plainly as he busied himself with organizing the first aid supplies.

_You should be more vigilant, they are a distraction. They will not further your goals._

"I'm sure they would if I asked."

_And what would you say to them?_

"Help me make people see that mages are not monsters?" His voice took on a sarcastic lit.

_This is not helping._

He sighed, "And what should I do then? Close my world off from everyone and everything? I'm a social creature. I can't just isolate myself."

_People surround you every day, seeking guidance and asking for your help. Why do you seek more?_

"None of these people are willing to let me in. They come for healing and for a shoulder to cry on but they do not come for me. They don't even see me." He scoffed.

_They see you. You are their Healer, a savior to end their suffering._

"They don't see me, they see a mage."

_Make them see you differently._

"I've tried. They still see me as someone to use and when they pass me on the street they still give me a wide berth. Sure, they don't tell the Templars where I am, but they don't accept me."

_Time will change their minds._

"I'm not sure of that anymore." He stared at the closed cabinet and looked over the clinic once more. Seeing everything was ready to go for tomorrow he picked up his staff and started walking toward the Hanged Man. "Besides if I'm going to give them time, why not spend that time in the company of those who _do_ see me and accept me?"

He made sure the door was secure and blew out the lantern before making his way through the dark city to the dusky tavern, his thoughts shifting between defending his actions to condemning them. It was later than he usually arrived but he knew at least Isabela would be there, provided she hadn't found a convenient 'conquest' for the night. It would be her or Fenris and he hoped he didn't have to stoop to ask the brooding elf for anything, even news. He sighed again to himself as he reached the door to the Hanged Man. He walked without really thinking, stuck on automatic pilot toward the bar. It wasn't until he reached Isabela's normal spot that he realized he hadn't seen either her or Fenris since walked in. He took a moment to glance around as Norah, the barmaid, approached him.

"Anders, in't it? They're waiting fer ya up in the dwarf's room." She stated and he nodded in reply.

"Thanks Norah." He smiled at her and started walking up the stairs wondering to himself why Isabela and Fenris were in Varric's suite.

He heard voices as he approached the door; Isabela was speaking, "Must have been nice to be surrounded by all those hunky sweaty men, ordering them to clear the roads for you."

Hawke's laughter cut through the door as he opened it and felt a weight lift off his chest to see her, Merrill, and Varric seated at their normal table. He smiled fully and walked forward as Hawke stood.

"Anders! I was going to send a search party." She laughed again and pulled him into a friendly embrace.

"_You_ were going to send a search party? One more day and I was going to brave the blighted Deep Roads myself!" He chuckled hugging her back and turning to hug Merrill as well.

Varric's rumbling chuckle could be heard from the end of the table as everyone returned to their seats, "Don't mind Blondie, Hawke. He was probably too busy saving the whole of Thedas or something."

Anders approached the dwarf and clasped his hand in greeting, "Not the whole of Thedas, just a part of it. How was the journey?" He sat down next to the dwarf, noticing his weary appearance. He noticed Hawke had grown thinner and there were deep red rings around Merrill's eyes as well, "Where's Carver?"

Merrill looked down and frowned, Hawke paused mid-sip, and Varric's smile wilted. Aveline spoke up placing a hand on Merrill's shoulder. "He has gone to join the Grey Wardens." She stated matter-of-factly.

Merrill's head dropped to her hands, "It's my fault." She whimpered.

"What happened?" Anders spoke up at last.

Hawke placed her cup down and put a hand over Merrill's. "We were betrayed by Bartrand. He locked us in the Forgotten Thaig and we had to find another way out. Carver must have contracted the blight while we were stumbling around down there. Luckily you're maps had a notation in them about the Warden's path. With Merrill's keen sense of direction and Varric's stone sense we were able to find them without too much trouble." She smiled as Merrill looked up. "He'll be fine," she stated confidently to the weeping woman.

"Fine and tainted." Isabela chimed in placing her hand on Merrill's other shoulder, "All the lovin' you can think of with none of the risk! Or so I hear." She winked as Merrill blushed. "Don't worry Kitten, before you know it he'll be back asking to search your Deep Roads."

"Isabela!" Hawke cried, "I do not need to think these things about my brother… Or Merrill…" She shook her head as Merrill looked confused.

Isabela and Aveline continued to comfort the distraught elf as Hawke slid closer to Anders and lowered her voice, "I wanted to talk to you about…" She looked up noticing Fenris sitting directly across from them, "About the Wardens… when you have time," She made a motion toward the three women sitting at the end of the table, "and we're away from sensitive ears."

He nodded, "Of course."

Fenris took this opportunity to speak up, "Is there anything else you require of me?" He had wondered why he was still here. _There is no place for me here among the joyful reunion of friends. I am only in this accursed city because of the debt still owed to Hawke. And she saw fit to bring that blood mage along with her instead of someone who could have protected her brother from this blight. Saving her brother would have gone long toward settling our debt._

Hawke turned her gaze to him and frowned slightly, "No… I mean if you want to go. We just wanted to let you all know we were back and safe."

He frowned slightly, trying to think of a way to phrase his thoughts. _I only want to go because I do not belong…_

Varric chimed in, "You mean you don't want to stay for a friendly game of Diamond Back?"

Fenris' normal scowl twisted into something resembling a smirk, "If it offers me a chance to relieve you of a portion of your 'bounty', as you called it, then I shall stay." _And if it pleases everyone that I stay I shall. I should continue to stay in their good graces at least until I can find a way to settle this debt._

Hawke smirked and knocked her elbow into Anders', "Oh sure, he'll stay for the game but not for the returning hero."

Varric laughed, "The beautiful, beneficent woman, without whom we would have never made it out of that accursed place!"

Anders smiled and winked at Varric, "Well, when you put it that way, I'll stay for both." They all laughed, even Fenris chuckled. But Fenris noticed Hawke's slight blush.

They called for more drinks as the cards were brought out. The rest of the night was spent making jokes, telling stories, and generally having a good time.

* * *

Hawke woke well into the morning to the sounds of cleaning. Her mother bustled in and out of the room sweeping and wiping. "Oh you're awake." Leandra forced a smile.

"Mother? Is everything alright?" Hawke asked rubbing the sleep from her eyes and sitting up.

"Oh yes. I'm just taking care of some chores. You left so quickly yesterday I hardly had time to tell you. I have a second meeting with the Viscount tomorrow afternoon and I'm expecting one of the Seneschal's men to stop by later today to pick up the papers."

"Oh that's good news." She smiled, "And that explains the whirlwind of cleaning." She chuckled slightly.

Leandra rolled her eyes, "Well, Maker knows that if I don't clean around here, no one will." She glanced at her daughter, a tiredness straining at her eyes, "Tell me again Kat. Tell me he's safe and alive."

Hawke took in a deep breath and rose to embrace her mother, "Carver will be fine. I know it in my soul that he will be alright."

She took a deep breath and sank into her daughter's embrace, "I couldn't bear to lose him too. I'm so glad you are safe and whole."

"I will do everything I can to keep us safe, Mother. I swear it."

Smiling her mother pointed toward the washroom, "I've made sure there's hot water for you to wash. But you should hurry."

"Thank you" She smiled, kissing the shorter woman on the cheek.

Leandra just waved her hand and went back to cleaning while Hawke went to make herself ready for the day. After washing and drying herself she dressed in her typical robes, one's that matched Bethany's as a tribute to her lost sister, and struggled to get her long locks in order, the wavy red mass refusing to cooperate so she placed in a loose bun and called it good. She applied her normal make up and scents, making a mental note to visit Lady Elegant for the Lavender oils she loved so much. She kissed her mother one more time before heading to the Hanged Man to see Varric.

* * *

"Hawke! Good morning! Or should I say afternoon?" Varric's chortle peeled a smile from her lips.

"And a good afternoon to you as well my good man, it's a bit weird to wake up to sunlight." She wiped her eyes dramatically as he scoffed.

"My lady, I will take bright light and loud cities over humming walls and taint any day." She nodded her accent.

"So, do you have the final tally?"

Nodding, he pushed a piece of paper toward her, "Not too bad I think, and these are just the rough estimates. Should be more than enough to fully furnish your estate and readapt your mother to Hightown society."

She scoffed, "As long as she doesn't intend to take me with her. I prefer my Lowtown haunts to the sideways stares and fake smiles of Hightown. Sure, I'm more likely to get a dagger in the back down here but at least I'll know where it's coming from. Did you break it up for the rest of our merry band?"

"Of course, you think I would come all this way just to see _you_ get on top?" She blushed at his double entendre as he smirked, "I gave you the lion's share because we never would have made it to the Deep Roads without you, and I would never have made it out." His smile darkened.

"Any news about Bartrand?"

"None yet, but I'm going to hit up my contacts today and get the ball rolling on finding that double-crossing weasel." His usual jovial demeanor darkened.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find him," She smiled reassuringly and he placed his hand over hers.

"I know we will," He smirked brightly, "And believe me when I tell you I've thought of ways to get back at the treacherous nug-humper."

She frowned, "I say we give him the blight," her thoughts turning to Carver and then to what she had to do to save him. _Anders…_ She thought.

Varric watched the emotions play over her face before standing, "That's one option. I need to get to my meeting." He smiled reassuringly at her.

She nodded, "Okay let me know how it goes. I'll see you tonight for Diamond Back?"

"Wouldn't miss it, Hawke."

* * *

She paused at Lady Elegant's stall, stopping only long enough to exchange pleasantries and buy a few necessities before heading to Darktown. Carver's face haunted her as she walked and she thought back to everything that had happened in the Deep Roads. She tried to stay positive for him but she noticed when he paled, he refused her healing help until he collapsed. She decided in that moment she would do anything to save him. Anything… She left him in the care of Merrill while she did what was required. She opened her own vein and called a spirit to her.

_What is your desire?_ It cooed.

_Safety for my friends and family._ She replied. It promised to save her brother and gave her directions to meet the Wardens.

_You will live, your friends will live, and your family will live. You will all be safe. All I ask in return is for you to help the Justice in his quest for mage's freedom._

She agreed. She would do anything…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** This chapter has a very small hint of rape in it, no descriptions. It's also bursting to the seams with Anders. Mmmm yummy Anders. Of course in my head he looks like the mod entitled "Eye Candy Anders" found on the Nexus.

On a completely unrelated note I totally thought of something earlier today that made me giggle. The Female Love Interests are Moody, Broody, and Snooty. HAHAHA! Guess which one is which :P

**Bioware owns all characters and setting, I just play here.**

* * *

She could feel the pull of his magic as she mounted the stairs in front of his clinic, so lost in her thoughts she forgot her father's first lesson of magic, sheilding. Usually it was something that came naturally to her, the unconscious shield she had up to keep her magic, her mana, from pouring out in unusual ways, like setting rugs on fire. She checked her shielding and entered the clinic, moving to the side as she watched Anders work.

Even with her shielding up, she could feel the pull of his magic like a whisper in the dark. She hugged her hands to her sides as she recalled the first time he had healed her, how his magic pushed into her, knitting the deep gash from a trap she had inadvertently triggered. The trap had severed most of the tendons in her ankle, she could feel his magic like fingers carefully stitching and reattaching everything in place. But it was more than that, his magic pooled through her entire body like warmth filling her up from her ankles to her eyes. She was frightened by the sensation and her mana responded by pressing back into him and she could feel every inch of him. It was the most disturbing and consuming feeling she had ever felt. Her father never healed like he did. But her father didn't have a spirit of the Fade entwined with his soul either. Ever since that experience, if she didn't keep a careful reign on her shielding she could feel him and the promise of their magics. Even tainted as she now was she could still feel it calling to her.

He looked up at her as his healing spell came to fruition and she shivered as their eyes met and a jolt went through her from her toes to her nose, a sensation she had often felt around him, the attraction that drew her to smile warmly at his gaze. He smiled slightly to see her and she forced her body to relax as the magic slowly waned. She blushed slightly at the feelings as his eyes turned from her. He looked back at the boy he was working on and smiled, "There you go, good as new. Just be more careful next time. I can mend a broken leg easily but not everything breaks so cleanly. Promise?"

"Yes sir!" The boy stretched his legs out and hugged him. Anders laughed, shaking his head, and scooted him and his friends out the door. She took the opportunity to take a few deep breaths to settle the butterflies in her stomach before he finished with the children.

He turned to Hawke, smile still on his lips, "Hawke!" His smile turned to concern, "are you okay?"

She smiled and sat down on one of the cots, "I'm well."

He turned and narrowed his eyes, "Still I'd like to look you over if you don't mind. I know there can be some lingering effects of the Deep Roads. The entire place is blighted and you look much thinner than when you left." He was unable to hold back his concern now that she had no one to be strong for.

She chuckled at the seriousness in his voice how he seemed completely oblivious to the flirty nature of his words, "I'm fine, really. But if it will set your mind at ease." She laid back on the cot as he began to draw his mana up, she prayed silently that he wouldn't be able to feel the taint on her. She dropped her shielding slightly as his magic pooled into her, she felt it like fingers searching for any signs of trauma. She closed her eyes to the sensation as she felt the familiar butterflies tickle her stomach whenever his magic was close to her. When he was satisfied he pulled back from her and sat on the cot next to her, visibly paled by the exertion but blushed like he'd been running.

"Everything in order?" She asked hesitantly, nibbling her lower lip in anticipation of him calling her out on using blood magic.

He nodded and fumbled at his belt, pulling out a water skin and a piece of dried apple. He sat more firmly on the cot and started nibbling, "Yes everything appears to be fine. No signs of blight or trauma." He smiled weakly at her.

She quirked her brow, "Are you okay?"

He blushed slightly and looked down at his meager meal, "Well yes, it's just… draining to use my magic on someone like you."

"Someone like me? You mean a mage?" She asked confusedly.

He chuckled slightly, "Not just a mage. I mean it's different working on mages than mundanes. But… I've never… _felt_ someone like you." He blushed more and shifted.

She blushed at his words and became aware of the pulling of his mana again, which made her blush harder, "Oh." She offered weakly, looking down at her hands.

He frowned at her expression, his thoughts blossoming in the forefront of his mind, _She is a distraction,_ "I should, uhm… finish eating."

"I was going to ask you, I mean if it's not too much trouble…" She stumbled with her words like a teenager, her heart thudding loudly in her chest, "If I could maybe learn some healing magic from you and help you out her for a while." Her blush faded and her heart calmed as she reasoned with herself. _I need to help him, to keep Carver safe._

He hummed thoughtfully and finished his apple, "Sure. I could always use another hand down here and I know you're more than capable." _Besides having another mage around, and one as diplomatic as she is, will certainly help my cause. _"So what do you know about healing?" He asked pulling out another piece of apple.

"Very little actually." She admitted blushing again.

He smiled slightly, "Well you know that all magic is born of the will to shape your mana right?"

She nodded, "Yes, Father's second lesson was how to school your will to shape your spells, incantations and ingredients that help focus."

He chuckled slightly, "Exactly. So if the more primal magics come from the will to burn or the will to freeze, then the healing magics come from the will to help. For example," He pulled out his belt knife and drew it across his palm, just enough to cut, barely enough to draw blood, "Instead of willing my body to heal, I will my magic to help the pain." He concentrated and a faint green glow glistened from his palm, "Then I will my magic to help the process of healing." The few drops of blood coagulated instantly as his magic centered on the cut flesh, "Then I will my magic to heal the damage." The glow appeared from under the skin, working its way through the slight gash and knitting the skin back together.

She nodded, rapt attention paid to the feel of his magic rather than the product of it, in the process her shielding slipped and she could feel his will shaping the mana free flowing through his body but it was over too quickly for her to really get a grasp on how it worked. "I think I understand. But I want to try something." She switched her seating so she was next to him. "If it's okay with you I'd like to… feel you while you heal." She blushed slightly at the odd sound of her words.

He paused for a moment as his thoughts rushed to the surface, _She is safe, she won't try and take advantage of you or anything you do. She's here to help and she'll help with my cause, I just need to let her._ Images flooded to the forefront of his mind. *The Templars had captured him after his fourth escape attempt, he had made it to Jader and was waiting for a ship to take him anywhere but here, they were all women, they drained him and…*

He blinked a few times to clear the images but nodded, "Yes, I think that would be a good way for you to learn." He handed the knife to her, "Draw a small cut along your palm, make sure it's not too deep or I won't be able to take my time to show you."

She nodded and repeated his cut, shallow but a bit deeper than his since she had never done it before outside of the Deep Roads. She lowered her shielding and felt his magic pour over her. She closed her eyes and felt his will, felt him shaping the mana.

By the end of the day she was confident enough to assist in his clinic by healing minor scrapes and bruises. When the sun finally dipped below the horizon she took her leave and went up to the Hanged Man for her meeting with Varric.


End file.
